Day 31 -part two

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So, this has been really hard for me to write. I’m not exactly sure why, but I’ve been putting it off for too long. Every time Mike asks me about it I just kind of ignore him. I have mixed emotions. Maybe it’s still my pregnancy hormones 😉

Let me fill you guys in… In the beginning of my pregnancy I had a minor complication. No one really knows about it. Anyways, as I was reading about it I learned that there was a slight possibility that my baby could possibly have DS. When I read that I was at my moms house and I couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t control myself, and my mom couldn’t calm me down. I asked her “why my baby?! Why me?! Why God?!” She told me not to question God, but I was terrified, and a little upset. Finally I was able to stay calm because I knew being stressed out wasn’t good for me, or the baby.

I went to a specialist, and everything came back normal. I was happy and I was so sorry for questioning God. I thanked him. I was foolish.

Now let’s go to the week when I delivered Mason; he had to be in the NICU for 4 days because they wanted to run tests on him and thought they had found some sort of “infection” in his blood. Again, no one knew about it except mine, and Brandon’s immediate family…

I remember Sarai texting me telling me everything was going to be okay, and that she didn’t know what else to tell me to make me feel better because she didn’t know what it was like for her baby to be in the NICU. Ten days later Ariana was born.

Mike texted me to let me know my niece was born. He then hints something is going on. At this point I have major anxiety. When he finally told me that she had DS I was in shock. I didn’t know what to say to my brother. All I could really say was “if you want to cry it’s okay Mike. You don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me.” And his response was “I don’t want to cry. I’m not mad at God. I’m just scared for her.” After he said that I felt guilt. I remember feeling so selfish. Thinking “wow, God really knew I wasn’t the right parent for a special little baby like Ari”.

Mike has always loved babies. Since I can remember, he’s always been all over them. I knew that my brother was the perfect dad, and my niece was in the perfect hands. God didn’t make a mistake in giving Ari an extra chromosome or putting her in the hands of her parents.

As for Sarai… Wow. Where can I start? She has been through it all. I look at it all now and wonder how she does it…? I’ve learned I’m too weak of a person to go through some of the things that have crossed in her path.
When I went to visit them in the hospital I thought she was going to be depressed, or angry or maybe just not wanting to talk to anyone. Instead, she looked at me with a smile, and said “she’s perfect!”. I just hugged her with some tears in my eyes.

The roles had switched. Now I didn’t know what to tell her. I realized they didn’t need, or want anyone to feel bad for them. I applaud them. They are the best parents Ariana could possibly have. God doesn’t make mistakes, and he sure didn’t make a mistake when he sent Ari to them. Words can’t begin to describe how proud I am of Mike, and Sarai.

Now with Mason, and Ariana growing and only days apart I get kind of… I’m not sure what kind of feeling it is. When they’re together I kind of want to stop Mason from reaching milestones just so he can wait for his baby cousin to catch up. I know it’s impossible. I try not to talk about his accomplishments to Mike, or Sarai. But being who they are they seem so proud to watch him grow! Especially Mike, because like Max, Mason is as close as he’ll get to having a son. (That is if Sarai decides to have another baby and its a boy!!!! Lol)

This is getting pretty long! I’m almost done, i swear!

My promise to Ariana is that I will ALWAYS be there for her. For anything, and everything. She’s my little angel and I love her as if she were mine. I have always wanted twins hahah 🙂
I know that Mason will always protect her and take care of her. I’m certain they will be best friends! I’m excited to watch them grow. ❤

Ariana will have a bright future. She will be successful and she will have a “normal” life. I just know it. She’s perfect and most importantly she is so loved! She is the greatest blessing to the Robles-Bautista family.

There’s so much more I want to say, but I will save it all for when I take Ariana out on our spa days, or when I do her hair. I just know she’s going to be a little diva like her Tia, duh! *hair flip*

I love you sirenita ❤

-Cristal Bautista

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