Day 15: pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

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The month of October is also pregnancy, and infant loss awareness month. Today, on October 15, we remember the little ones we have lost. Whether it be from, miscarriage, still born, or illness, today we remember our angels. Although the full month of October is pregnancy, and infant loss, October 15th is Remembrance Day. Tonight at 7pm begins the worldwide candle light ceremony.

•One in four mothers lose their child

•50% of the time it is unexplainable.

I am one, I’ve lost a child. I haven’t ever said those words until now, until today. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how. I do know, I am still mourning my loss. I do know I think of you often, and I do know I miss you even though I never met you. I do know I love you. Three months, and one week is all the time I had with you, I know it wasn’t a lot but I’m glad I had it.

I remember hearing your heart beat for the first time, I cried I was so happy. I was young, unprepared, and uncertain. The only thing I knew was that I would love you always, with every piece of me. The day I lost you, was a day I’ll never forget. That’s the day I saw you for the first time, and the last. It all happened so quickly I didn’t, or couldn’t, maybe I didn’t want to understand.

You had little feet, little hands. I saw your eyes, and I saw your tummy. I saw the future I wanted for you, the adventures we were suppose to have. The people you were suppose to meet, the jobs you were suppose to have. I saw the life you were going to have, and it was all gone in a blink of an eye.

I still mourn you. I still cry for you. I still miss you. I still hope it’s a dream, and I’ll wake up to three beautiful kids in the morning. I still wish for you. I wish I could hug you in the mornings, and kiss you goodnight. I wish I knew your eye color, or your hair color. I wish I knew the sound of your voice, or what foods you like. I wish I knew your tickle spot, and the way your voice sounds when you’re happy. I wish I knew what it would feel like to have heard you say mommy for the first time. I wish I could hug you, and kiss you, tell you I love you.

Your birthday was suppose to be march 17th, I think of you always, and always a little extra in march. We don’t know if you would have been a boy, or a girl. I just have a feeling you were my boy, a little baby boy that we wanted so badly. To hold tightly, to love, and adore forever.

Today, October 15th I remember you.

I’ve never forgotten you.

Love you always.

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2 thoughts on “Day 15: pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

  1. Adriana Christian says:

    I understand your pain. I went through it twice and it was hard. I always remember my babies and what would have been. But I thank god everyday that he gave me another chance to be a mommy and I will forever be thankful.
    I love you my babies, always.

    Liked by 1 person

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