Ariana has been home for a week now, and we couldn’t be any happier. While Ariana was in the hospital we all felt as if we were stuck in a weird time zone. As if we were on a pause, and we couldn’t move forward with our life’s until Ariana was at home. Now that’s she’s home we all finally feel complete, we can finally move forward.
I finally feel like a new mom, I’m tired all the time because of the long sleepless nights, I smell like spit up 99.99% of the time, I am one hot mess trying to balance my newborn with my two year old! But I honestly couldn’t be anymore happier! The entire time Ariana was in the hospital the thing I was most excited was to experience that “new mom” feeling again.
I love my late night feedings with Ariana, I am literally half asleep with one eye open. I have become an extraordinaire in multitasking! Sometimes at night, I’ll hold Ariana in one arm, her bottle in another, while I’m pumping trying to be quite not to wake anyone up. I did impress myself while doing that little number. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.
Ariana has had plenty of doctors appointments to keep us plenty busy. Just these two weeks in August, ari has FIVE doctors appointments, three appointments being this week. From her cardiologist, to her Gtube doctor. Fingers crossed that Ariana finally gets her Gtube button put in this week. That Gtube has become such a hassle! I’m so thankful Ariana has it, because although I would like that she didn’t need it, right now she does. It has to be vented ALL the time (until she gets her button) that means she has to have this open tube with her ALWAYS. That even holding Ariana is a task in it’s self. Breatfeeding her is such a huge challenge also! I’ve literally spilled stomach fluids on myself about 15 times since she’s been home, but mommy has to do with what she was given. We can manage a silly tube as long as Ariana is home and thriving!
Something I have also become very proud of, is Ariana’s ability to latch on to me. One of my biggest concerns when I was pregnant was being able to exclusively Breastfeed. Ariana has made this experience so easy, and enjoyable. I was terrified that she would have to go without mommys milk since she was in the hospital, but I promised myself and her that I would give it my all! When I arrived from the hospital I would pump every two hours, for twenty minutes. I was determined to demand my milk, and establish a good milk supply. I now have a FULL freezer with milk, I still pump, I also give Ariana fresh milk, and I breast feed her on demand. This is a HUGE deal for me!
Everything has changed since Ariana’s homecoming. Life has seriously gotten so much busier, and more hectic. It’s hard to find time for myself, but I think I’m okay with that. Maybe further down the road I’ll try and make time for myself, but right now I’m fully dedicated and commited to my girls!
Although, I do have to admit balancing time between my daughters has been difficult. For some reason they both need mommy at the same time.. Always. Never fails. I do feel guilty when my two year old, Amari WANTS mommy, but Ariana NEEDS mommy and I have to attend to ari. I have to figure out how to balance my two princesses because I hate to see Amaris feelings hurt. She has become so sensitive since Ariana’s arrival that right now everything hurts her feelings. We need some mommy and Amari time for sure. Mommy is still yours Amari, you just have to share me with Ariana now.
I have all these emotions, thoughts, and ideas, and our journey has just begun! Our life’s can finally take off! I’m sure our ride won’t be easy, and we will have some obstacles, but I know we’ll always have each other, and with family, and love everything is possible.